Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Ju-On (The Grudge)

Director: Takashi Shimizu

Rated: R

Lions Gate: November 9, 2004

92 Minutes
From IMDb:
A mysterious and vengeful spirit marks and pursues anybody who dares enter the house in which it resides.

I watched 'Ju-on' last night and I waited to write my review till today so it's not exactly fresh in my mind but I wouldn't exactly forget a movie like 'Ju-on' either. I haven't written a review for the American version, 'The Grudge' yet but I expect to have it up sometime soon to go in correlation with this review. For those who don't know me, I live for Asian horror films. So it should come as no shock that I LOVED this one. It was my first time watching it and I enjoyed it immensely. The American version was very close in relation to this one, which I was pretty shocked about. For most other films that are remade in America, there are usually an innumerable amount of differences and they drive me crazy.

If you are some hiding in a hole weirdo, and have no idea what 'The Grudge' is, I will tell you. 'Ju-on' is the story of a house..basically. It's a "haunted house" that has some very vengeful spirits with it. To put it simply, if you enter the house, the spirits within will torment you and, eventually, kill you...or drag you off somewhere and who knows what happens to you. One of the things I love about 'Ju-on' is the way the Grudge chick moves. How you can see her snapping movements that, at least I associate with death. It seems more realistic to me, because I think of it as rigamortis has set in and that's why she's so snappy and jerky in her movements. Get it? That's my thought on it anyways.
So, in closing, I love this movie. Surprised? You shouldn't be! It was absolutely awesome! It was full of scary, creepy, twitchy, make you jump goodness! I mean, I didn't have bad dreams at night and it didn't keep me up but I think it's near impossible for that to happen haha. Overall, amazing and I'm happy to have it as part of my horror collection. It's definitely worth checking out. And, with Halloween coming up, it's a great movie to add to your horror movie marathon for the night!

My Rating: 5/5

Saturday, August 27, 2011


Director: Alejandre Aja

Rated: R

Sony: January 11, 2011

88 Minutes
From IMDb:
After a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of the prehistoric man-eating fish, an unlikely group of strangers must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food for the area's new razor-toothed residents.

I'm going to start off by saying that I'm going to be giving this movie a higher rating. Not that I think it was incredible, not that I loved it, and not that it wasn't awesome. It's just that...I feel like it's a ripoff. I feel like they took 'Jaws' and made it into a movie filled with ass, titties, and piranha. Now, that's not to say it wasn't good, it was. And it was made perfectly for the audience it was aimed for. I mean, what guy wouldn't love to see that many boobs in a 60 minute span. Throw in a little lesbian action, naked underwater swimming, and blood and gore into the mix, and you have to making of an amazing film for (nearly) any man aged 18 or older. Ahh but let's not forget our female viewers. With the developing love story it holds appeal to almost any girl. Therefore, it reaches both sexes of it's targeted audience.

'Piranha' tells the story of a teenage boy (I think?) and his family...and his "love" interest. Let's show the 'Jaws' comparisons shall we? He's from a small town, check. His mom is the sheriff, check. Ton of people show up at one point in the year, therefore creating an eating frenzy of epic proportions for any underwater meat eater, check. Fish expert, check. Mysterious underwater killer, check. Shall I continue? While the numerous amount of similarities between 'Jaws' and 'Piranha' to me seem endless, that's not to say they are exactly the same. Although I think almost all the Jaws movies can be summed up into this one 'Piranha' movie. Ok, so, there is an underwater earthquake caused by a beer bottle, thus letting out thousands of Piranha's who then feast on the College Students who came down for Spring Break to Lake Victoria. Check, check, check...ugh!

Anyways, despite my bitching, I really did enjoy at least half of this movie. I mean, it's got some of my favorite 80's actors in it; Elisabeth Shue, 'Adventures in Babysitting,' Christopher Lloyd 'Back to the Future,' and let's not forget Richard Dreyfuss 'Jaws.' See, 'Jaws' again. My favorite scene, hands down, was the bloody massacre when the Sheriff tries, relentlessly, to get the kids out of the water. Awesome! Although, after the first scene where the Piranha's kill someone I was kind of like, Oh god! But it definitely got better. So, the bloody awesomeness that is now being dubbed 'The Piranha Massacre' made me give this movie one point up from what I was going to.

My Rating: 4/5

I was fortunate (or unfortunate...?) to have seen this in the theatre when it came out. 3D I believe "saved" this movie from being a total flop. As my fellow reviewer stated the Jaws comparisons are many and she listed most of them. I had seen the preview before it was in the theatres, from a "comic-con" event. Like Ginger stated, ass, titties and sharp-tooth fish occupy most of the 88 minutes.
I will admit, the 3D in some parts were really cool. I smiled and thought it was cool to see Richard Dreyfuss' cameo. I found it awfully strange to watch Jerry O'Connell from tv's 'My Secret Identity' as a porn director...who loses an important appendage to a hungry fish.
I honestly can't think of anything else to add to this review except the part when they were shooting the fish, and using boat motor propellers to fend off the fish just made me laugh, thinking to myself.. I paid "how much" to see this???

Not to spoil the ending for those who have not seen it yet..but let's just say there could be a Piranha 2 in the future if they wanted to.

I have to give this movie a 3/5.

Bidding you bloody nightmares,


Thursday, August 25, 2011

Knife Edge

Director: Anthony Hickox

Rated: R

E1 Entertainment: April 20, 2010

90 Minutes
From Amazon:
Blissfully happy in her new marriage, Emma (Natalie Press) gives up her successful Wall Street career and moves with her family to a secluded country estate. But her dream of a perfect life quickly turns into a nightmare when she begins seeing strange and terrifying visions of horrific events from the mansion’s past.

At the time that I'm starting this review, I'm still watching the movie. But I had to start writing the review because I don't think I'm going to finish watching this movie. The characters in the movie all seem to have a total disconnect to the other characters. Like, the main chick and her husband. They have a "forced relationship" and there is really no character developments. The acting is subpar at best. I am currently only 30 minutes into the story and I'll continue to watch for a little while but as of right now, I don't like it. It has a repetitive aspect with all the "scary" points in the movie being just loud noises. Nothing that is actually scary. I have to admit, creepiest thing in the movie is the statue of a little boy that Emma walks past in the beginning of the movie. That's sad.

The story is that of Emma who is a NY stock broker. Her (french?) husband or boyfriend or whatever moves her to England to live in some fancy house. Her...significant other leaves on business for a few days and Emma experiences some terrifying (and I use that word lightly) visions. As well as...I don't know, other crap. For me, this movie had no highlights, no good points. Not much of anything.

I really didn't like this movie. The only reason I attempted to watch it was because I was bored and tired and I came across it on Netflix Instant Queue. This movie is a blatant ripoff of 'Amytiville Horror' and 'The Shining.' There is really nothing else left to say about it except that I didn't like. The best actor, the nanny who only has a few lines. The creepiest thing, a statue. and the scariest part...there is none.

My Rating: 1/5


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Parasomnia Review

Director: William Malone

Rated: R

E1 Entertainment: July 13, 2010

98 Minutes
From Amazon:
Laura Baxter (Cherilyn Wilson) suffers from “parasomnia,” a bizarre medical condition that keeps her trapped in an almost constant dream state. Art student Danny Sloan (Dylan Purcell) falls in love with the sleeping beauty, unaware that terrifying mesmerist and mass murderer Byron Volpe (Patrick Kilpatrick) has sinister plans to claim her as his own.

I decided to watch 'Parasomnia' because it was from the same director of 'House on Haunted Hill.' And 'House on Haunted Hill' is like...a guilty pleasure for me. I don't know why I like it but...I love it. I've seen it so many times it's unhealthy. 'Parasomnia' has a couple known actors. For me, most notable is Jeffrey Combs from the 'Re-Animator' series. Love that series. 'Parasomnia' starts off a little rough. It seems like it's ALL over the place and there isn't one consistent thing going on. If you're not focused, I can see how it might be confusing for some people. After about 20 minutes or so, the movie starts to pick up even if it is a little weird.

I honestly can't remember the name of the main guy in the story...I think it's Danny? Anyways, he goes to visit his friend in this rehab treatment center...which also serves as a psychiatric unit AND it houses like "the world's most dangerous serial killer." Well, that's the way they talk about him. Strange right? So his friend tells him to go check out the chained up killer guy. As Danny is leaving from seeing this serial killer, he notices this girl sleeping in a bed. And he soon finds out that she suffers from Parasomnia (shocker!) and he becomes like...obsessed with her. It's weird. So all this stuff goes on over the course of like...24-48 hours and then he loves her. Like, undying, completely devoted, would kill for her love her.

So,despite all the weirdness in the movie, it's actually really good. The beginning is slow...and a little confusing but as the movie gets going, it becomes 100 percent better. It ended on a high note for me, which was good. I had a different opinion of 'Parasomnia.' I actually prejudged it and I was like, this movie is going to suck lol. I'm glad I stuck it out and watched it though because it was actually kinda good.

My Rating: 3/5


Sunday, August 14, 2011

5ive Girls

Director: Warren P. Sonoda

Rated: Not Rated

Cutting Edge: October 10, 2006

95 Minutes
From IMDb:
Five wayward teenage girls are sent to a reformatory and discover they possess unique powers to battle the ancient demon, Legion, which holds thrall over the sinister institution.

I was really hoping that '5ive Girls' was going to be a good movie...or I'd at least get some type of enjoyment out of it. I honestly feel like it was made by some horny high school guys. I mean, the movie has an incredible opportunity to be fantastic but there were SO many letdowns and bad lines, bad acting, and really annoying in general. I'm surprised I actually watched the whole movie.

The "five girls" are a bunchy of skanky virgins who are dropped off (or abandoned) at an old, shut down catholic school. This catholic school is like a boot camp, reform school for "troubled" catholic people...or, in this case, troubled girls. And...the girls that are "troubled" in this movie are a blind girl, a blind girl! HOW does she cause trouble? And they are all good girls...I mean apart from being misunderstood or whatever, they are like..."don't go upstairs Father whatever told us not to! We'll get in trouble, OH NO!" Lame, right? And the whole, made by horny guys, at the beginning when the girls first get to the school, they are stripped to their bra's and panties and "searched" by the head mistress. The head mistress who needs to squeeze their boobs, I think she pulls something out of one girls ass? I don't really know the deal there. And, they do this in front of the priest. WHAT? lol. And then, as punishment, the headmistress has to smack the girls on their ass' with a ruler. And then, all of a sudden, BAM! They are lesbians. W.T.F?

Anyways, it's blatantly obvious that I didn't like this movie. The script was terrible. Terrible. The acting was almost as bad. The only parts that weren't entirely annoying, was when the girls were possessed and that didn't last long. Although, it had potential to be a good movie, it wasn't. But, it wasn't the worst movie ever, which is why I'm not giving it a one.

My Rating: 2/5


Friday, August 12, 2011


Director:  Greg Mclean

Dimension Films, Rated R

2007  99mins.

From IMDb:  An American journalist on assignment in the Australian outback encounters a man-eating crocodile.

When I first saw the preview for this, I was a little hesitant. We have all seen numerous alligator/crocodile movies that all come across animated/computerized and "fake" looking. Within the first 30 minutes, I was actually quite impressed. It did have a good story behind it. The movie doesn't speed up and have the croc attacking everything right away. It builds up to the first attack, and even then you don't see what actually attacks..just a small glimpse of a tail slicing through the water.

While you continue watching it, slowly the movie introduces the "enemy". I was impressed that despite trying to make it look like a godzilla sized croc, they limited the amount of computerized actions. It made it more believable to a certain degree of course.

It keeps a good pace and has enough to keep the viewer interested in watching to see if the beast wins or loses in the end.

Overall, it may be another water beast attacking humans movie, but I found it worth watching if you are looking for a fun movie on a rainy day.

I would give this movie a 3.5/5.

Bidding you bloody nightmares,


Thursday, August 4, 2011


I just wanted to write a small post to let everyone know that I'll be on vacation until next Thursday. Hopefully when I come back, there will be some good things going on. Nyx is still going to be here posting more wicked reviews so make sure you watch out for those!


Wednesday, August 3, 2011


Director: Todor Chapkanov

Sci-Fi Pictures (TV-NR) 2008 90mins.

From IMDb:Small town in the Wild West is attacked by poisonous snakes. 

Have you ever been driving down the highway and see a car accident, and regardless of how bad it may be, you just can't turn away? Well, tonight, this happened when I was watching this Sci Fi Original Movie.

I have never been one for westerns or snakes, and this movie combined the both,and terribly. We've all heard of spaghetti westerns, well this was snake western. Within the first 15 minutes, it was pretty clear this movie was going to be a flop. The cartoonish, computerized snake that you see early on in the movie gave you an indication what the rest was going to be like.

Set in a small town in Texas, a drifter arrives and goes into the saloon. He plays a couple hands of poker, gets accused of cheating and then is challenged to a gun fight at high noon. The main character in the movie played by Brad Johnson warns everyone that hundreds of copperhead snakes are heading in their direction and by evening they all will be dead. Well, a good 45 minutes into the movie, it appears that the drifter was right, the snakes invade. Of course, people are trying to kill the snakes with guns and fire but they are overrun by them.

I found myself laughing at this sad excuse for a movie. This was set in a small town during the civil war in Texas. The teacher and her students get locked in a huge bank safe. I have to say the teacher's Irish accent was just silly. The blacksmith, who had this cool machine gun apparatus had the best Australian accent. The rest of the cast, was a cross between English and Texan.

Fast forward a bit, and just when you think they have shot every snake around...they realize that all the ones they killed are just babies. Sure enough, out of the ground, like a flashback to the movie Tremors, a huge 40 foot copperhead comes flying out of the ground. It was a Godzilla size snake, and they all start attacking it with arrows. Finally, the main character uses a large knife and as the snake is coming down from the sky towards him, he fatally hits him. It was good timing too, cause just as the crooked sheriff comes walking out, the snake falls over and squishes him dead.

This is a prime example of a trainwreck gone bad. I have no idea if this was meant to be a horror, drama, action or comedy. There were a lot of comedic lines in the movie such as this one: "..hotter than nickel night at the whore house". I mean, come on, what was the writer, producer and director thinking..and how could they find people to act in this. It was so bad, yet, I couldn't turn it off.

I've been harsh on the ratings for the last few movies I've reviewed, and unfortunately I cannot bring myself to even rate this, that's how bad it is. I suppose if you are really bored, and want to waste 90 minutes of your life, then this is the movie for you. But this reviewer has to give it a pass...and rate this 0/5.

Bidding you bloody nightmares,


Tuesday, August 2, 2011


Director: Sang-Gon Yoo

Rated: R

Tartan Video: September 27, 2005

92 Minutes
From Amazon:
Hot on the trail of a serial killer who uses acid on his victims leaving behind only the bones, the police turn to Hyun-min, a former forensic sculptor adept in reconstructing faces by examining and interpreting skulls. With the victims' bones in his house, Hyun-min's daughter experiences disturbing visions of a long-haired woman in a white robe, a woman whom she may know. As he races against time to find the answers before the visions overtake his daughter, the deadly truth behind these victims reveals a sinister conspiracy that threatens everyone involved.

I think what initially appealed to me about 'Face' was that it was a Tartan Asia Extreme film. The story line wasn't all that appealing to me but I was a little interested. The cover for the movie can also draw you in. At the beginning of the film, I felt like it had a "Grudge" feel to it. As the story progressed, however, I found that isn't the case.

The movie is about a facial re-constructionist named Hyun-min. Hyun-min has a daughter who is beta allergic and has just had a heart transplant. She remains sick, even though she should be getting better. While the story of where the heart came from unravels, Hyun-min finds himself reconstructing skulls in an attempt to find the donor for his daughters heart in a race to save her life.

Well not overly scary, 'Face' does have some scare factors to it. For instance, there is a ghost that pops up every now and then and makes you jump. Other than that, there is nothing frightening about 'Face.' Well it is a decent film, it's not one of the best I've seen come from Tartan Video. However, if you're into all that mystery,  police type movies with a few good scares and a surprise ending, then 'Face' is the movie for you.

My Rating: 3/5